25 reasons I love post-pregnancy...

25. Instant weight-loss program
24. Having a beautiful daughter on the outside!
23. Cuddling with my daughter in the morning after she has just eaten
22. Watching her sleep and wondering what she's dreaming about
21. Being able to eat and not get sick!
20. Actually being able to hug my husband without a huge stomach in the way!
19. Skinny ankles
18. Being able to walk faster without any side-to-side motions
17. Giving my daughter a bath...
16. Smelling a clean newborn...they smell the best!
15. Kissing her soft, chubby cheeks
14. Hearing her cooing sounds when she is content
13. Gazing into her eyes when she is awake
12. Watching her learn how to smile
11. Watching my husband hold our daughter
10. Waking up every morning knowing I am a mom
9. Feeling closer to my mom because we are both moms now
8. Getting up for 3am feeding...
7. Stroking my daughters head while she sleeps
6. Kissing her cute little feet!
5. Having her curl her fingers around one of my fingers
4. Listening to my husband tell her how much he loves her
3. Singing to my daughter every day
2. Talking to her every day
1. Feeling Heavenly Father's love for this precious, precious, precious, precious, precious little girl!

Pretty much there really is nothing about being a mom that I don't like. I LOVE everything about it! Even changing her diapers! Weird, I know. Everything about her is just so cute and I've waited my whole life to be a mom, and to be a mom with the best husband in the world, and just everything! I'm so excited! I love it! :)

Oxygen Tank

Here are 2 of the 3 oxygen tanks we used while Jessica was on oxygen.
(I haven't posted for awhile...hello new mom responsibilities - crazy hard...BUT Jessica is off oxygen and all her monitors! Yea!)

The huge one is the "home tank" and can last for over a month. The smaller tank (to the right) is 1 of 2 portable tanks that we were given and each has 40 hours of oxygen. The times depend on the amount of oxygen given but since Jessica was on such a low dose, those are the time frames that we have before we need to exchange them for more. The white stuff coiled on the ground in front of the home tank is one of the oxygen tubes. We had a 50 foot tube and a 25 foot tube. The 25 foot tube was more than adequate for our "spacious" abode so we didn't really use the 50 foot tube except at the beginning.

As crazy as it has been to have a newborn in our home on oxygen, every time I have looked at the medical supplies we needed to help our baby, I have been amazed at technology and the incredible GOOD that it does for mankind. I am also reminded of a discussion I had with my 6th graders about the differences between 3rd world and 1st world countries. One of the obvious differences that they pointed out right away was the technology and medicine available. I am blessed beyond measure that I am a citizen of a 1st world country.

One night, as I was holding Jessica while she slept, I started thinking about what would happen to an infant with her medical issues who did not have the benefit of technology and medicine. The nurses in the hospital told me that there was a minute in the beginning of Jessica's life where she needed infant CPR because she was not breathing. (Thankfully they told me that on our last day there and not the first. I would have freaked out. I still shudder and try not to cry when I think about it...) I am so grateful for the medical knowledge that the Lord has blessed our world with. I know that He is the one who has blessed the great minds of our day and age with the ability to discover and learn all that we know so far about medicine and the human body. Incredible. There is no doubt in my mind that we are not "randomly" put together. There is no way! Too many things have to be in perfect balance within us. And those of us on this Earth who have different disabilities and difficulties with our bodies...only opportunities to learn better who we truly are and who we are suppose to be.

Anyways - who knew that a simple picture of oxygen tanks could inspire such a spiritual experience for me? The Lord really can be found in the details of our lives if we only look for Him.

Leaving the Hospital

Here are a bunch of pictures that chronicle our getting ready to leave the hospital for home, sweet home!

These are Jessica's "I Love Mommy" socks that I bought way back on Oct. 13th (the day after I found out what we were having...) It was soooo nice to be able to finally put those on her!

I'm so excited to be getting her ready to come home!

She's so long! Actually, most of that is just the super huge sleeper outfit I bought at the same time as her socks...I had to be the one to buy the first outfit for her after we knew what we were having! Weird, but I felt very strongly about buying that first outfit...

Raise your hands if you think I'm cute!

Jer loves the beenies for little babies...

again, bought on Oct. 13th...

Jer was really excited to put this on her. 

They are both so cute!

She wasn't exactly thrilled with the hat choice

Although this is her same face when she stretches her lil' body out...

I just love my little girl!

Even though it's kind of blurry, can you guess how she feels about her car seat?

*Whew!* Now, she's settled...

Pretty much the cutest baby ever!

We can't believe that she is finally coming home with us!

We are SO excited!

Our Grandma Jennessee (Jer's grandma on his mother's side) made these beautiful receiving blankets for Jessica and gave them to us for Christmas. We were so happy to have them to take her home in! Jessica really does love those blankets.  

Grandma Heath (a.k.a. Grandma Skinny & Beautiful, a.k.a. Grandma S&B) and Aunt Tammy (a.k.a. Aunt Tam-Tam!)

Can you see the oxygen tank on Jer's back? He is "unplugging" Jessica from the wall where the hospital's oxygen supply comes from so that he can hook her up to the portable oxygen tank for the ride home...so grateful for technology that helps our baby get well. Again, we are truly blessed!

All of the nurses were so absolutely wonderful. It is a true saying that nurses can make or break your hospital experience. They absolutely made ours! Beate (pronounced Ba-ought-ah) is on front adjusting Jessica's blanket and Tenille (like the music group Captain and Tenille) were two of our favorites. They really made the stay much better. All the nurses were fantastic. When they had days off they always called in to check on Jessica. It was pretty awesome. She is definitely loved.

Did I need the wheelchair? Nope. Did I want the wheelchair? Of course! It's for the picture! Duh! :) The caption for my facial expression would either be, "Aaaaggghhh! Can I really do this?!?" or "YEA! It's for real! You're finally coming home!!!!" You pick which one.

This is the hospital version of a lobby...Jer had to carry the portable tank and monitor. I'm not sure which one of us is being strapped to the other one...Actually, now that I look at this picture, it's pretty symbolic of the role that parents have in the family. The Proclamation of the Family says, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." This picture completely represents that statement. Very cool.

Taking Jessica "into the world" for the first time!

Getting her to the car...

Jer putting her in the car for the first time...

Yahoo! We're finally ready to go!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...

We have been so completely blessed throughout this entire experience of pregnancy and giving birth. Regardless of the details, actually it has been IN the details that, the Lord has been with us. It has been an amazing experience. The best part? The experience isn't over. We get the opportunity to continue on.

Xrays & CPR

This doll is Baby Anne. :) Before the hospital would discharge Jessica, Jer and I were required to be infant/newborn CPR and choking certified. I'm not sure if that is standard for any preemie or specifically for newborns that go home on oxygen and monitors. In any case, I am REALLY glad that they required this. After we did the practical training with Baby Anne, we watched a video that re-capped all of the same information. It was funny because the video repeated each step 3 times which made the video almost 45 minutes long instead of 15. Oh well. Repetition can only help, right? :)

This is during Jessica's echocardiogram (ultrasound for the heart). The room had to be dark while the technician did the echocardiogram. It took about 1/2 hour and we waited until after Jessica fed because she needed to be calm and relaxed. (Funny, food has the same effect on me too! :) The monitor is hard to see but we could watch the movement of her heart. It was pretty cool to watch. Apparently though, having an echocardiogram totally wipes an infant out because it takes a lot of energy for them to have one. Which is interesting because they just lay there. But, the nurse was right. Jessica was so very tired after hers. Poor little dear.

Here we are...watching the echocardiogram...

This is a picture I took of Jessica's last chest x-ray. I have no idea of how to read it. All I see are the rib cage and a blob behind it. Lungs? Heart? Something. In any case this is the x-ray that prompted the radiologist at Utah Valley Hospital to note that her heart looked big. Which in turn prompted our pediatrician who was on call for the weekend (Dr. Wise) to order the echocardiogram to look at her heart. Which in turn led to the knowledge that her heart was underdeveloped which is why she has respiratory issues right now. Isn't technology amazing? I was wondering what would happen to an infant in Jessica's position 100 years ago. I can't even imagine. I am so grateful for technology and to be living in the day and age I live in right now. Just another example of how the Lord is looking out for us and blessing our little family in SO many ways!

Baby Shower

Jer and I have these friends who are just the best people. They are the kind of people who don't give a second thought about doing whatever needs to be done for their friends. They are just selfless people. We are so grateful to have them in our lives. Why the friend monologue? Well, when we were in labor we were missing a dozen things because I couldn't think straight about what to bring and Jer didn't know what else to grab. So, Justin and Miranda went to the hospital to visit us, got a list of things we needed, went to our house and grabbed the things we needed, and then brought them back with food for Jer. In addition to that, they have brought us dinner and Miranda threw me a baby shower. Very, very selfless friends. We are very grateful for them.

Anywho - here are some pictures of the baby shower!

There were lots of friends and family there - some of my 6th graders even came! :)

People were very generous...

A lot of great gifts for Jessica!

We did a diaper raffle at the shower. This is where people bring a package of diapers, whatever size, and they get a raffle ticket for a prize. One of my friends, Eva, brought this awesome diaper cake! She had individually wrapped all these diapers and tied them with ribbon. Inbetween diapers was misc. items: washclothes, shampoo, lotion, etc. It was pretty cool. Someone handed it to me and, of course, the ribbon breaks so the diapers go tumbling while I'm trying to circle my arms around the whole thing! :)

The baby shower was fun. It was nice to have a break from the hospital for a few hours...

Pictures Update 1...

Rather than spend a ton of time typing lots of words to give updates about the last few days, here are a ton of pictures with "peanut gallery" comments attached. :)

Here she is towards the end of her bath. The only thing left to wash is her hair. By the look on her face, any guesses as to how she feels about bath time? :)

More bath time fun!

Daddy / Daughter sleep time...
I love how Jessica "fits" when Jer holds her.

I LOVE my baby!

I think my mom wants to make sure I'm doing things right...

Which features are Jer's?

She's ready to eat...
I always know because she starts sucking on her fingers.
No preference, whichever finger gets to her mouth first.

We are a happy family!

Aunt Tammy...

She passed the car seat test! Yea for oxygen...

Sweet, sweet Jessica...

SHE'S FINALLY COMING HOME!!!

THE DOCTOR JUST LEFT.
HE DISCHARGED HER!!!
MY BABY IS COMING HOME!!!!

Trial Run

We have passed 3rd base and are running towards home.

Let me explain.

Word from the pediatrician today:

Jessica's heart looked larger than normal in her last chest x-ray. Apparently, the pediatricians working with her have ruled out all these other possibilities of why Jessie has respiratory issues. Today, Jessica had an echocardigram (basically an ultrasound of her heart) because the pediatricians wanted to make sure that her respiratory problems were not symptoms of heart problems. So, the ultrasound of the heart.

Side note about Amy Workman (the mother):
I like to know all the options. All the "what ifs" ...if you will. So, Jer (who was with Jess when the doctor was there) got all the possible scenarios relating to the outcome of the echocardiogram. Once I know all the options, I tend to freak out.

Possible outcomes of echocardiogram:

• Best case scenario - nothing. Heart is healthy and her respiratory symptoms are normal preemie issues.
• Middle case scenario - minor heart issues and she is put on daily medication.
• Worst case scenario - definite heart problems that result in surgery

Thankfully, her heart (for the most part) looks great. "For the most part" relates to this: while in the womb, there are holes in the heart that allow for fetus circulation. These close up by the time the baby is born and voila! you have a beautiful baby heart. Preemies, because they are early, sometimes still have those holes in their hearts that have not closed all the way. Most of the time (in fact, usually) the heart matures as the infant grows and the holes close up. Sweet little Jessica has some of those holes that will need to mature and close up. Also, one of the flaps in her heart does not close all the way and blood is shunting across places a little. The doctor said it was something that should resolve itself as Jess gets older and her sweet little preemature body matures. If not, the symptoms will be easily identified early on and we will be able to do something about it. I'm not sure what that something is, but I'm not going to stress about it. The doctor also said, and I quote, "Her pulse is really good. In fact, I'm tickled about how well everything else with her heart is." YEA!!!!

Since her echocardiogram came back so positive, long and short of it is, JESSICA IS FINALLY COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jer and I are doing a room-in at the hospital tonight. Basically that means that we have Jessica with us in a room with her on all of her monitors that she will be hooked up to at home. The nurses are here if we need them but this is our opportunity to "practice" and get comfortable with all the monitors. So far (at 2:55am) it is going fantastic! She is an angel.

We met with a representative (Lance) from the Home Health Care company that will be supplying the oxygen tanks, tubes, and monitors that Jessica will be hooked up to at home. Jer and I learned tonight how to change her tubes, read the monitors, and set up her oxygen tanks. She will have a big one at home that will have enough oxygen to last for several weeks. She will also have 2 portable tanks that will last around 40 hours each. The portable tanks are in bags that we put over our shoulders and carry around with us/her. When Jess is hooked up to the big tanks she will be on a 60ft. long oxygen tube so we can take her all around the house. We will just need to be careful of the tube and not stepping on it, pinching it, etc.

Everything is so crazy and oddly enough so perfect. I wrote a few days ago that I wasn't sure what I am supposed to learn from all of this. With help from the Lord, I think I have begun to see one of the lessons I am supposed to learn. I have had no control over this entire situation. From my water breaking, to not dilating super fast, to dilating from a 3 to a 10 within 2 hours, to Jessica's respiratory issues, to her weight loss and then gain, to her jaundice, to her potential heart problems, to her oxygen at home, etc...all I had control over was how I reacted to things. At some points I was upset and melting down. At others I was full of optimism and felt like I could handle the world. Now, a small part of that is probably relating to after-birth hormones (instead of P.M.S. my mom called it P.P.P.P.M.M.M.M.S.S.S.S....) but really my reactions were the one thing I could control. Also, things really are on the Lord's timetable. I honestly thought Jess would be home by Wednesday or Thursday. Who, other than the Lord, knew that it would be a full week?

Throughout all of this (and there is still more to come) I have begun to learn how to appreciate where I am at. What I am doing. Everytime I hold my perfect, precious, beautiful daughter I love it. I feel her soft skin. I look at her eyes. I laugh at every new thing she does. I count her toes. I stroke her fingers. I kiss her cheeks. I marvel at who she is and where she came from. The moments I have been able to spend a few moments alone with my husband I realize all over how much I love him and why. When I have knelt down to pray (ok - I'm still so swollen that it is more like 'when I sit down to pray...') I have poured my heart out to my Father in Heaven. I have realized what a precious gift prayer really is. I have come to value the scriptures more. So many things have been put into perspective.

What a blessing and a gift this crazy week has been. I know that I am and will be a better mother, wife, daughter, friend, teacher, person because of all of this. My mother-in-law, at Christmas, said that this will be an interesting year full of growth. Wow was she right! I knew she would be, I just did not expect her to be so right so fast! :) She's a pretty neat lady.

I have a testimony of a Father in Heaven who LOVES His children. He loves me. He loves my husband. He loves my daughter. I have no doubts. I look at Jessica and know that she can do whatever she puts her mind to in this life. She has limitless potential. I believe in her ability to do good. Heavenly Father looks at each and everyone of His children and sees the same thing. Only he has perfect vision so He REALLY knows and sees all of us. Amazing. What a beautiful miracle.

Hopeful...

Hello One and All,

Here is the quick (well, for me) update regarding Jessica. :)

We met with the Pediatrician this morning.

Items to go into the "Awesome" Column:

• Jaundice is in the low risk zone
• Blood work is fantastic
• Heart rate is not dropping any longer
• She is eating "robustly"

Items to go into the "In Progress" Column:

• Oxygen levels are sporadically dropping
• Respiratory rate is still erratic

Pretty snazzy how the "Awesome" Column has more than the "In Progress" Column!!!

There was a slight little scare this morning. Every few days Jessica is given a chest x-ray. Early this morning she had another one. Dr. Mumford (who has been working with her this whole time) said that her lungs looked hazy. When I asked what that meant he said that either the x-ray was bad or she had pneumonia. Fabulous. They ordered another x-ray to be taken so that we could have a better x-ray to look at.

The x-ray technician came in and took another x-ray. Jessica started fussing and I went over to comfort her. The technician said that Jessica needed to be crying because it allowed her to expand her lungs which meant a better x-ray. It was really hard to watch her hold Jessica's legs and arms. One thing I have learned in the 5 days that I have had my darling Jessica in this world is that she LOVES to be swaddled in a blanket and held close (she is SUCH a snuggly baby!) BUT she HATES being constrained (like...say, in a car seat? :) I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but Jessica also doesn't really cry. She cries for about 10 seconds and then just whimpers or makes not-so-happy noises. Which is what happened. Thankfully the x-ray technician got the x-ray she needed within the first 10 seconds.

I asked Dr. Mumford what would happen if Jessica had pneumonia. Forty-eight hours of antibiotics like her first 2 days at the hospital? Nope. Jessica would win an all expenses paid 7 day vacation in the Level II Nursery...yuck. Thankfully, her results came back negative. Her lungs are clear and healthy. :) What a blessing.

Ok. Maybe this isn't exactly a quick update. The nitty-gritty of it all is that Jessica was put back on oxygen. If she has a completely perfect night with no drops in oxygen levels, and if her respiratory rate settles more, she will be coming home tomorow!!! She has not had any drops in oxygen level since 7:00am today. YEA!!!

She's so cute!

When Jessica comes home, she will be on oxygen for a few weeks to help her continue to breath. Which is ok because:

(A) she will be home
(B) she will continuing to improve and get better and
(C) she's just so stinkin' cute! :)

I'm trying not to get my hopes up because if, for some reason, she is NOT able to come home for another day, it will be a little hard just because it feels so close. The comforting thing is that the Lord has been with us and will continue to be with us. I have truly felt His love for her. The gospel is such a nice thing to have in one's life. :)

Daddy's Girl

Her daddy loves her!
I love watching Jer hold our daughter.
He is so tender and sweet with her.
I just know already that he will be the best father.
Here are some pictures of Jer and Jessica.

She loves him.

Sweet, sweet Jessica

This is my favorite picture of Jer and Jessica so far...

I Am Yours To Keep
by: Mike www.familyfriendpoems.com

You are a princess in my heart,
and I care for you so much.
I love the fondness in you eyes
and your tender little touch.

I looked at you when you were born,
and knew then straight away,
that I would be forever here
to watch you grow and play.

You bring to me a heart of joy,
and memories so great,
and a powerful sense of fatherhood
that no one can debate.

I watch you sleep and dream of things
that I can only wonder.
That innocent look upon your face
just makes my heart grow fonder.

I see you run and jump and shout
and calling out my name.
No love that I have ever known
could ever feel the same.

No suffering or tragedy
nor deeply seated pain
could ever over shadow
the bond that we retain.

And so my little princess
before you go to sleep,
Remember I am your daddy
and I am yours to keep.

One More Day...

Well, one more day in Jessica's first home. :)

Jessica's poor little body just gets so tired from breathing, eating, heart beating, etc. Despite her 8 lb frame (she's lost 12 oz of weight...ok so far but if she keeps losing weight we'll have a whole new concern...) she really is a 35 week old preemie.

She had several episodes last night and this morning where her heart rate dropped and was followed by a drop in oxygen levels. Her respiratory rate is steadier but still erratic at times. Thankfully, she no longer needs blood draws to check her sugar levels and her jaundice is going down. Mostly, she just needs rest and sleep. The nurses moved her from the regular nursery into the official Level II Nursery today (even though she has always been a "Level 2 Nursery" baby). They think that it has been too noisy and busy for her. When she gets that stimulated it wears her out quicker which contributes to the vital signs dropping.

The pediatrician also thinks that she is having acid reflux issues which could be a major factor of why her vital signs keep dropping. They started her on medicine for that this morning. Hopefully that will solve a lot of the issues. We still need a solid 24 hours of no vital signs dropping. If it continues to be a problem, the doctors will try another route which is to give her caffeine. Apparently, it is a teensy-weensy dose but it helps stimulate preemie's issues. The nurse I talked to today said it has really helped turn around previous preemie's quickly. Again, we'll see. If neither of those work, the pediatrician said that they would send her home but she will be on a portable oxygen tank for awhile. What that means "for awhile" is still uncertain. So, we are still in the waiting game...

In the meanwhile, 

here are some more DARLING pictures of a DARLING girl! :)

Mom and Daughter

I'm trying to wake her up so I can feed her.

I have been DYING to get a picture of her yawning... 

Here is the beginning of one...

Here's the yawn!!! Look how cute!!!!

Again with the fingers by the face!

 

Even though she is my angel, the blue light is not a heavenly manifestation of that. :) It is the phototherapy lights from underneath her. It does give off an angelic glow...

Look how alert she is! Such a beautiful baby.

Does she look like me?